Before We Begin

This End-User License Agreement (EULA) is for informational purposes only.

IMPORTANT—READ CAREFULLY: This End-User License Agreement ("EULA") is a legal agreement between you (either an individual or a single entity) and Brian Oliu. An amendment or addendum to this EULA may accompany the Product. YOU AGREE TO BE BOUND BY THE TERMS OF THIS EULA BY READING, GLANCING AT, ENGAGING WITH, DISCOVERING SOMETHING WITHIN THE TEXT THAT RESONATES WITHIN YOU, EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE UNABLE TO REALLY PUT IT INTO WORDS OR OTHERWISE USING THE PRODUCT. IF YOU DO NOT AGREE, PUT THE BOOK DOWN; YOU MAY RETURN IT TO YOUR PLACE OF PURCHASE FOR A FULL REFUND.

These words are licensed to you, and only you. Do not lend this prose to a friend. In fact, don’t let anyone read your copy of these words. If you catch someone glancing at this piece of paper (it’s such nice paper, don’t you agree?) immediately set this piece of paper on fire. Do not watch it burn. If the leering party persists, take a handkerchief and ONLY a handkerchief; dip in ether, and cover dampened cloth over said party’s nose and mouth. Under no circumstances should the following people read anything being said: anyone Brian Oliu has had more than three conversations with in a month’s time (exceptions to rule: Mom, Dad). This is to prevent people talking about Brian Oliu when Brian Oliu is not around. Keep these words to yourself; someone that might actually know who Brian Oliu is and may or may not have kissed Brian Oliu at a certain point in Brian Oliu’s life might accidentally see it and begin reading. You know nothing. Brian Oliu believes that he is the most important person in the world. If he wrote something about someone, he would fear that this person would read it, and cause him extreme discomfort. This person would say something along the lines of “Bah! That Brian Oliu doesn’t know anything about me,” but Brian Oliu knows that Brian Oliu has hurt that person greatly. If Brian Oliu is walking down a street and you are walking down the same street, and you recognize Brian Oliu as “Oh, Brian Oliu, that guy that wrote that thing that I read,” Brian Oliu will be extremely upset. Brian Oliu believes that he has revealed some incredibly self-incriminating tidbits of information in these concepts, although the majority of it is masked in elaborate metaphor, and for that reason he never really reveals anything. This is a terrible educational tool. Your understanding of the subject will not improve.

Do not be at the same place that Brian Oliu is at any point in your life. You agree to never go to these places: New Jersey, Philadelphia, Baltimore, New York City, Alabama. Also, please check your e-mail frequently, for if Brian Oliu is going to be traveling outside of these areas; Brian Oliu’s automated e-mail system will send forth a detailed itinerary so that you may avoid/vacate as needed. After production and publication, Brian Oliu will not be able to look anyone in the eye. Brian Oliu will keep his head down and all of a sudden find himself very interested in either his fingernails or the complimentary cheese cubes, and use these items as a way to not look at your crackled face. The completion of this essay will ruin Brian Oliu’s life. Any attempt to reproduce copyrighted material that you are not expressively permitted to use is not legal.

The usage of this text is at your sole risk, and all risk as to all aspects of the service including quality, accuracy, and performance is on you. This text is provided “as is”. This text does not live up to potential, because this text is about Brian Oliu, who does not live up to potential. While he is uncertain as to what his potential may or may not be, he knows he is not at this point, nor will he ever be at an interval where he can say “Yes, I took full advantage of the opportunities presented to me, as well as used my gifts and character to become the best, the true Brian Oliu.” This saddens him. Certainly he’s had a good run and hasn’t completely wasted his life, but Oliu feels as if he has cheated himself. You hear about these people who come from absolutely nothing to do amazing and wonderful things with their lives...well, what about those who have had a good household growing up, plenty of money, and higher education? Shouldn't Oliu, with all bestowed upon him, use that extra 'edge' to do something even more extraordinary? Should Oliu feel content in just sitting around, watching men younger than him playing basketball, and teaching children concepts of grammar? If you were denied all of the luxuries that you’ve had in your life (assuming you have luxuries; then again, we all do), would you think that you had to do something incredible? If you were poor and had plenty of hardships, it'd almost be like you’d be expected to do nothing with your life. Therefore, wouldn’t you have a slight chip on your shoulder? Wouldn’t you want to work really hard to do something that wasn’t perceived as just “okay,” but “amazing”? Oliu refers to this as the Rocky Complex; the constant need to overcome odds. Oliu had a friend in college that would purposely get involved in incredibly difficult and unnecessary situations. He would then wait until someone told him that he would be unable to accomplish what he set out to do (e.g. lose twenty pounds in two weeks, do a semester’s amount worth of work in two days, etc) and then, and only then, would he even attempt to do what he set out to do. Rocky needed Adrian to tell him that he couldn’t win in order to win. This is why people are successful: either the world actually IS against them, or they manage to believe or convince themselves that the world is against them, and that no matter what they do, they’ll always get screwed. However, they refuse to let “the world” get them down, and therefore have high levels of production. As for Oliu, the world likes him just fine. The odds are in his favor; God doesn’t hate him, he is not a million to one shot. Beethoven was deaf. Hellen Keller was blind. Oliu was not picked out of a booklet of over 130 of Philadelphia area boxers for a championship fight, and he didn’t give the fight all he’s got, but by god, he’s just looking to he’s know that he weren’t just another bum from the neighborhood.

BRIAN OLIU IS NOT INTENDED FOR USE IN THE OPERATION OF NUCLEAR FACILITIES, AIRCRAFT NAVIGATION OR COMMUNICATION SYSTEMS, AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL SYSTEMS, LIFE SUPPORT MACHINES OR OTHER EQUIPMENT IN WHICH THE FAILURE OF BRIAN OLIU COULD LEAD TO DEATH, PERSONAL INJURY, OR SEVERE PHYSICAL OR ENVIRONMENTAL DAMAGE. HE WANTS NO PRESSURE ON HIM AT ANYTIME AND WILL OFTEN DEFER RESPONSIBILITY WHEN FACED WITH A LESS THAN PLEASURABLE SITUATION. THIS ALSO INCLUDES SIMPLE DECISIONS, SUCH AS MOVIE CHOICES, RESTAURANT SELECTIONS, AND WHO WILL BE DRIVING. BRIAN OLIU FEARS BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR MALCONTENT. HE WORRIES THAT SOMEONE WILL BREAK INTO THE MOVIE THAT HE DECIDED TO WATCH AND TAKE HIM AND HIS FRIENDS WHO WENT ALONG WITH HIS PLANS HOSTAGE. HE IS TERRIFIED THAT THE RESTAURANT THAT HE PICKS WILL GIVE EVERYONE FOOD POISONING, OR EVEN WORSE, SOMEONE WILL BE ALLERGIC TO PEANUTS AND ORDER SOMETHING THAT HAS PEANUTS AND BECAUSE OF THE PEANUTS THEIR THROAT WILL SWELL UP AND THEY WILL CHOKE TO DEATH ON THEIR OWN ESOPHAGUS AND PEANUTS. HE BELIEVES THAT IF HE MAKES PERSON (X) DRIVE, A CARBOMB, SET EARLIER IN THE DAY, WILL BE TRIGGERED AS SOON AS SOMEONE HITS THE SCAN BUTTON ON THE AM/FM/CD PLAYER, LIQUIDATING HIMSELF AND HIS FRIENDS. AND IT WILL BE ALL HIS FAULT. SO PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, DON’T BLAME BRIAN OLIU FOR THIS BOOK. DO NOT OPERATE HEAVY MACHINERY WHILE READING THIS BOOK. DO NOT READ THIS BOOK IN AN ELEVATOR BECAUSE THE ELEVATOR CORD WILL SNAP. DO NOT READ THIS BOOK ON AN AIRPLANE BECAUSE YOU WILL START THINKING ‘WOULDN’T IT BE IRONIC IF THIS PLANE CRASHED WHILE I WAS READING ABOUT HOW I SHOULDN’T READ THIS BOOK ON AN AIRPLANE’ AND THEN THE AIRPLANE WILL CRASH. DON’T READ THIS BOOK IF YOU HAVE A LOVED ONE IN THE HOSPITAL. DON’T READ THIS BOOK ON THE BEACH BECAUSE SOMEONE OR SOMETHING WILL DROWN. DON’T READ THIS BOOK IN A DOCTOR’S WAITING ROOM BECAUSE THE DOCTOR WILL UNDOUBTEDLY TELL YOU YOU HAVE CANCER. DON’T READ THIS BOOK. YOU SHOULD HAVE STOPPED READING THIS BOOK FIFTEEN LINES AGO. I’M SO SORRY.

To the extent not permitted by law, in no case shall Brian Oliu be liable for any damages whatsoever, including - without limitation - damages for loss of profit, data, business interruption, relationships, sexual performance, quality of life, or any other commercial damages or losses arising out of usage of this product. If you even think that there’s a small chance that reading any further could potentially cause you any harm please stop reading immediately. Furthermore, if you think there is a chance that your absorption of this material could harm your loved ones, either through these words by themselves or by your actions while/after reading this book, again, set paper on fire. If you are a violent person, or someone who regularly causes confusion and unrest among friends and family, please stop reading. Brian Oliu will not be held responsible if his words do not change your life. These are not calming words. These words do not help people. If you believe that by reading what Brian Oliu has to say will be the solution to all of your problems, you are extremely wrong. Brian Oliu suggests that you either purchase a book in the Self-Help section of your local bookstore, or you should seek professional help. Brian Oliu retracts that previous statement because he does not want to feel responsible if you seek professional help in psychiatric or book form and you still have a multitude of issues. Brian Oliu, instead, offers his deepest sympathies and wishes you the best. Brian Oliu retracts that previous statement, because Brian Oliu knows that he can’t save everyone and will not be held liable if his good wishes do not come to fruition.

Contrary to popular belief, this is not a holy book. Brian Oliu is not your savior; people believe that everyone can be helped, and that they are the ones with the mighty sledgehammer of justice and love and mutual understanding that can br…brea…BREAK through those walls! This is what is expected of non-fiction: to give us a view of something so austere that our core shifts and resettles in a new, stronger interwoven pattern. Those are the types of books we wind up quoting in conversation. Those are the types of books we suggest to our friends so that they can be as shaken as we, or alternately, we keep these books secret, as if we are the only one that this book has spoken to. To tell others would be breaking the secrets, fraying the relationship that you, and only you had with these words and ideas. This is not an example of such. These words will not save your life.

Yes, I accept these terms.

No, I do not accept these terms.